So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
