I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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