I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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