Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
