just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
