so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
