you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
