I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
