She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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