She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
