True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
