a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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