The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i think im in europe. pls send help
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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