I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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