the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
