You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize