Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
