Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
