i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
