just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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