i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You need a sexual gate keeper
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
