you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
