I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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