There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
