i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
