new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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