take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
