Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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