also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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