he was CRYING into my vagina
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
