And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is wine microwaveable?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize