I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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