i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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