after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
