He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
