My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
