I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
