That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
