How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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