even my farts smell like vagina
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize