We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
