I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
