me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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