On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
