its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
