Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize