I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
sick fucks of a feather flock together
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
