I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
