Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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