dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
