I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
