today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When did angry sex become our thing?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
