Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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