I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
