i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
