You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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