and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
