How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
