yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
