WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
