around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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