there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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