ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
