Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
