atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
