Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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