I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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