I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
