so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
