goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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