I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
