Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
