We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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