I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
