how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
