tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
