this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
