I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
