This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
