Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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