this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
