It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
