This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
