so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
