I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
