We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
