a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Someone came in the potted fern
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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