I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i think i just lost a toe
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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