The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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