So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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