she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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